Tweens are often characterized as trying to establish their identity in terms of others, whether it be in regards to school, their family, their peer group, or any other social setting. Bullying, it seems, is considered by many to be a common extension of identity formation. Bullies use malicious behavior in order to secure social status and establish themselves as superior in some way or another. Victims are often victimized because they lack concrete identity. As The Bully Book pointed out, the best victims are the ones who don't know who they are, so they accept and believe the identities assigned to them by others. This is one of the main reasons bullying has such long-term harmful effects - the experience becomes part of the victim's identity much more than it does for the perpetrator.
Not all bullies are aware of their behavior. Because of the brain development tweens undergo, most are ridiculously self-centered and oblivious to the feelings of those around them. In such cases, bullies are unaware of the negative consequences of their behaviors. However, because successful communication skills are not yet developed at this age, conflicts often escalate because the individuals involved are unable to address grievances directly. The result is backstabbing, gossiping, and shunning.
According to tween research and the books reviewed, one of the best things tweens can do to alleviate the ill effects of bullying is to find allies, such as new friends or adult mentors. Even if tweens don't discuss the bullying with these individuals, the new and positive perspectives of supportive individuals can help break the negative feedback loop caused by bullying.
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